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Repair, Sturdy,
MGI

Dr. Becky Kennedy
Clinical psychologist · Author, podcast host, and CEO of Good Inside · The parenting frameworks working leaders keep quietly borrowing
FEB 1 2026
The Reframe

Good Inside, No Matter
the Behavior

BEHAVIORwhat we seePERSONgood insideSEPARATE THESE TWO
"Good inside inherently requires us to separate behavior and identity. Someone's late a lot — 'oh, that person's lazy.' The quickest way to have an unproductive conversation is to lose sight of the fact that someone's good inside."
  • The idea is a system, not a slogan — and it works in family, marriage, siblings, or the workplace
  • Bad behavior at any age reduces to feelings that overpower skills; the behavior is a manifestation, not the problem
  • The intervention is the missing skill, not the behavior on the surface
  • Coworkers who act like babies still act that way because their skills got outpaced by the moment
Framework

The Power of Repair

RUPTUREREPAIRSECURE TRUSTnot the absence of rupture — the presence of repair
"Secure attachment isn't defined by getting it right all the time. It's defined by the presence of repair. That felt very hopeful because I could realistically get good at it."
  • Repair: go back to the person, take responsibility for your part, acknowledge the impact, say what you'll do differently next time
  • At home: "Sorry I yelled. That wasn't your fault. I'm working on staying calmer when I'm upset."
  • At work: "Earlier in the meeting I cut you off with a harsh tone. There was no excuse. I'm going to work on that."
  • Nothing reestablishes trust and connection like repair. And then people cooperate; conversations stop being defensive theater.
"Perfect is creepy"The company saying at Good Inside. Only non-humans are perfect. What defines the human condition is that we want to do well and mess up over and over — and then we get to repair.
Leadership

Three Pilots in Turbulence

  • Pilot 1 (yells): "What are you freaking out about? You're ruining this for everyone." You now worry the pilot doesn't notice the turbulence. Not sturdy.
  • Pilot 2 (opens cockpit): "Anyone want to fly? Your screaming is making me anxious." A massive over-correction. Not sturdy.
  • Pilot 3 (sturdy): "I see this is uncomfortable. The plane is safe. We'll get through it, and here's what to expect." Deep breath.
  • Two skills of a sturdy leader: see someone else's experience as real for them, AND hold onto your own without being overwhelmed by theirs
Two jobs, always

Setting boundaries (the decision only your seat can make) AND validating experience (the feeling is real). Validation alone is an incomplete parenting — and management — approach.

"I believe you AND I believe in you"

Dr Becky's phrase for anxious moments at any age. "This is hard, it makes sense you're nervous, AND I know you can figure this out." Both halves are load-bearing.

Playbook

The Most Generous Interpretation

  • MGI: read the most generous possible interpretation of the behavior first. "Assume positive intent" if that phrase hits harder for you.
  • The someone-belaboring-in-a-meeting case: the least generous read is "they're being a baby." The MGI is "they didn't feel heard the first time."
  • Then the intervention shifts: privately, "I wonder if you don't always feel heard, then keep talking, and then the room tunes you out more. Can we work on this together?"
  • Dr Becky says using MGI on her own kids made her like them again — and that shift, more than the tactic, is what changed the household
"Two things are true"Another of her signature phrases. "This is a hard project AND you can do it." "That was unacceptable behavior AND I still love you." Both sides at once — not one or the other.
Contrarian

Dr Becky's Contrarian Takes

✗Aim for perfect leadershipINSTEAD →✓ Perfect is creepy. Only non-humans manage it. Aim for repair, which is a skill you can actually get good at.
✗Validating feelings is enoughINSTEAD →✓ Validation without boundaries is an incomplete approach. Two jobs, always: set the boundary AND validate the feeling. Both.
✗Fix the behavior, that's the problemINSTEAD →✓ The behavior is the manifestation. The problem is a missing skill against a big feeling. Coach the skill; the behavior follows.
✗Say "you'll be fine" to calm someone downINSTEAD →✓ Both halves at once: "I believe you (this is hard)" AND "I believe in you (you can figure this out)." Neither half alone is enough.
Based on Dr. Becky Kennedy's episode on Lenny's Podcast. All ideas on this page are from the episode.Watch on YouTubeFollow @GoodInside on X
GO DEEPER IN THE EPISODE
05:14 Connecting parenting and leadership08:40 The power of repair11:05 Connecting before correcting17:45 Good Inside framework at work22:08 The most generous interpretation (MGI)25:46 Curiosity over judgment27:07 Understanding behavior change31:08 What potty training can teach us about workplace behavior34:40 Naming your intention35:41 Sturdy leadership40:52 How to set boundaries well46:33 The role of leadership and consensus50:50 The importance of being “locatable”52:40 A powerful story of betrayal and realization57:12 Building resilience over happiness01:00:34 The power of the phrase “I believe you, and I believe in you.”01:09:08 The Good Inside community and resources01:16:22 AI corner01:19:52 Good Inside’s mission01:22:26 Lightning round and final thoughts
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